Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
