Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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