He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
