In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
