You can't motorboat a personality
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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