Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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