youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
