i jhust puked up my retainher.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
