i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
