so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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