I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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