Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
