i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
