Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
