He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
