my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
