im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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