I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
