paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
