I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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