Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
