Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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