Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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