You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
