No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
