Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
