All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
