You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
