the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
