Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
