a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
