wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
