You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
