i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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