I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
