I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
