The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
