Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
