remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
