Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
