You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
