so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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