i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
