I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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