So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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