he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
