He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
