You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
