Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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