We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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