Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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