1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
