well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
