I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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