tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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