i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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