Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
